he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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