If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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