Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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