i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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