it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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