Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I smell stomach acid.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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