you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's not cheating when I paid for it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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