At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
