Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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