heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
