I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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