Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
