Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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