My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
