I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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