if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
