Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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