who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How naked do you want me to be?
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