If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
