Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
