I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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