so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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