Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
