There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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