If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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