Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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