I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
