note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
