dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
