i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
