I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
