Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
