Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
