There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
