dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
