I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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