You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
