i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
