dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
