matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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