I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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