Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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