and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
