was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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