You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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