When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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