New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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