Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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