It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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