do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
