How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize