You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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