ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize