He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
