Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
