I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize