ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize