I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
