If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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