Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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