Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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