the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
