You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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