I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
