allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
