my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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