Define "chronic" masturbator.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
