Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
