yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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